ass freaks

everytime i go to a chinese massage parlour something strange happens:

they spend half the time working over my ass.*

this has happened too many times for me to think it could be a coincidence. and it's not a sexual thing** because i've had men and women fixate on my hiney-so-finey**

it starts out great:

hmmm... that's it- oh my shoulders are so tight- hey where are you going- GOOD LORD- up! go up! hmmmmm....

now it wouldn't be a big deal if it happened as they worked the lower back, but everytime they switch areas- they make a pit stop. an ass pit stop.***

the result: right now my tushy is so relaxed it might as well be in jamaica. stoned. on the beach. with a corona and a blond.****







*seriously, what is going on with that? i know i have sweet cheeks but don't these people know there's more tension in my shoulders?

**it's not a sexual thing- it's a CHINESE THING.

***and don't tell me they are all lesbians- i have been to way too many chinese ass massagers for that kind of coincidence.****

****better check out the tush- how is it doing? let's get in there and make sure- ok! back in two mintues! can't leave the ass hanging (ha)!

*****have fun on vacation ass! bring me back some beads and some gangia in your shoe! ok fine! stick in your deodorant- jesus- just stick it up your hole you whiney (ass) bitch.

******actually this begs the question: why do i keep going back? not because it's cheap. BECAUSE I LIKE HAVING MY ASS RUBBED. is that a crime?*******

*******not compared to baby killing.