secret office boyfriend

now that i have been at my new job for two weeks, it's time to pick my new secret office boyfriend. the selection process has been refined over the years and is now a well oiled machine. here is some insight into the process and requirements if one should so desire to be my secret office boyfriend.*


SOBF requirements:

you must be either:

1. hot as balls OR
2. laughably inadequate

more precisely, sex with you would have to be:

1. sweaty fantasy material OR
2. stomach turning


in other words, i like to switch it up. my SOBF is either someone who genuinely makes me feel funny down there** or an object of ridicule***

other important things to note when selecting you very own SOBF:

1. you can NEVER have sex with your secret office boyfriend*****
2. you must have backup******


i WILL tell you that i have made my selection. i WIL NOT tell who it is.*!

also, remember that work is more fun when you have a secret office BF. it's even more fun when he is not married*******







*though they never know of this honor. it is a SECRET.***

**hmmmm... me want humpy

***i have, in the past, told my SOBF of his status in the hope that his posture/dress/personal hygene might improve. it is a service to their future real girlfriends****

****i am not leaving out the gays. to this date (!!!) i haven't had a secret office gay boyfriend. i am willing to consider taking on a supplemental "future gay ex husband" categaory. planning ahead!

***** unless you are drunk

******because what if he pisses you off over a power point presentation or something? then again- that creates the opportunity for ANGRY SEX. revision!

************** trust me on this one ladies! you don;t want to deal with imaginary guilt too!