swedish fish

thanks to the newly opened youth hostel across the street from my apartment, i need never go without a cigarette again*.

at any hour of the day there is a young au paire or other european/midwestern tourist out there on the stoop looking overwhelmed and puffing away.** last night, however, it was i who was the strange, the bewildered, the misunderstood...

the time: 10:30 pm on a sunday night. your erstwhile reporter is contemplating buying a pack*** when she spots a friendly looking young man walking out of the hostel with - a cigarette! as i gallop up to him he peers back to see my endearingly hopeful face- may i a bum a ciggy? - the answer being yes- after i light up and inquire after the unusual brand- he says it is a swedish brand- are you swedish?**** yes he says- are you a student- no i say- i work in advertising and then:

he. runs. into. the street.

it took a moment but i realized i had frightened the poor (six foot tall) thing off. why you ask? b/c he had probably been warned against neighborhood HOOKERS.

now, i do see a hooker or five on my block, it's true. but me? at 10:30 pm? wearing jeans, flip flops and my "whiffle ball king tee shirt"?!?*****

i suppose i should be flattered that he thought i was:

1. young enough to be a college student********
2. hot enough in my whiffle ball king tee shirt to actually sell any ass
3. tempting enough that he had to run into traffic to escape my wiles*********












*yes i am back to bumming

**overwhelmed but NEVER angry. beware the angry smoker

***nic fit rating = 8

****funny, he didn't LOOk swedish... well, actually he did. but he SOUNDED like a midwesterner. weird.

*****i am not actually the whiffle ball king. it's a tee shirt i found at the sal arm and bought due to irony ****** the REAL whiffle ball king is simply a tidy person who recently did some spring cleaning*******

******i am awful at whiffle ball, baseball, softball and i assume, cricket (though this last is unsubstantiated)

*******in the fall. fall cleaning.

********no it was not THAT DARK. jerk.

*********OK, this one is a stretch but i choose to believe it. and believe it deeply. with every fiber of my being.