suzy homemaker

i am not. if cleanliness is next to godliness then i am - a couple of miles from his holiness. a couple hundred miles.



it's not that i am dirty or messy. it's just that i am slightly dirty and slightly messy and very very busy being awesome all the time. so here are my tips for the lazy/busy/alltoofabuloustobescrubbing types.



1. get out your mop and scrub brush. put in obvious place where you will have to step over it to get to the bathroom etc.

1.a. when not busy being awesome, take a moment and glare at aforementioned cleaning supplies menacingly. they will not be impressed.

1.b. after several days, give in to the ever present mop/scrub brush/bottle of fantastic and either use it and:

do a very light surfacey kind of cleaning job

OR

return to pantry unused and full of SHAME



2. get out bottles of cleaning supplies. leave in bathroom or kitchen counter for several days.

2. b. whenever you feel them watching you (see 1.a.) grab one and spray it with abandonment all over the counter, wall, sink etc

2.c. allow to dry


2.d. repeat

2.e. eventually the cleaning products will start to discolor the surface they have been repeatedly sprayed upon and you will summarily and disinterestedly wipe them off. *be sure to be halfhearted and resentful as well. it's more efficient.


3. complain about mess until your bestfriendboyfriendmotherorneighbor either:

takes pity on you and does the work themselves

OR

stages an intervention forcing you to face your own fears and take action and actually clean your apartment which looks nice for a week and then not so bad for a few more and then returns to it's sad/sprayed upon/littered with guilt inducing cleaning product state.




YOU
ARE
WELCOME!