air bukaki

on a recent cross continental flight* i was seated next to a charming young man- a set designer for film and stage- who i got a long with famously. this was due to his announcing almost immediately that he was:

1. gay
2. perverted
3. loved to make fun of vaginas

now, i like a good vagina joke as much as the next gay man, probably since i have the same affinity for them** and as an ex-hag*** i jumped right in with him. as the flight went on and we giddily recounted our favorite "gross porn we've seen in europe" stories we came, naturally, inevitably, to bukaki*****.

now the good part. as i shrieked****** "OHMYGODILOVEBUKAKI" i simulatenously reached for my snack- a large tub of cottage cheese- opened it- and-

it exploded ALL OVER MY FACE

at which point- as u can imagine- we were both utterly dumbfounded- and then hysterical- and then more hysterical- ten minutes later i gasped out "OHMYGODITMUSTHAVEBEENTHECABINPRESSURE"- ten minutes later i gasped again "THANKGODITWASNTTHELARGECURD".

perhaps u had to be there- but if u r a pervert- perhaps NOT.

the moral: never forget that sealed packages of white gooey stuff WILL explode on your face if you open them mid flight. so, use your sense of the dramatic and say something disgusting right before proceeding. have fun kids!














*new york to LA. but it sounds fancier this way, no? i'm a fancy pants!

**none

***i learned my lesson in '97. too many gays in your apartment = much harder to get ass without having to kick them out****

****kicking out the gays sometimes leads to shoes being thrown at your head- nice shoes, but still

*****if u dont know what that is, feel free to google it but DO NOT follow any of the links. this will lead to porn porn porn and i do not want to be held responsible for getting u fired or in troubs with yo wife

******yes, shrieked. bt in my defnese, i was heavily medicated. i am ALWAYS heavily medicated*******

*******when flying i mean! only when flying. or weekends. only very rarely on a weeknight********

********hahahahahhahahahahaha-HA!