excessive vanity

quiz show:

how vain is your ass? i am coming to realize the depth and scope of my vanity- it is impressive. though i am not superficial i am coming to terms with the fact that i am a vain-ass motherfucker.*

here are a few of the more insane things i have done to myself in the pursuit of TOTAL PERFECTION** play along with me- it's fun!

you might be excessively vain if you have ever:

• rubbed preparation h on your tits for the firming effect***
• started using anti aging creams at 21 (result = zit valhalla)
  
• secretly exercised on the subway (this does not count if you are exercising your vagina****)
• deep conditioned your eyelashes

*this basically means that i eagerly date chubby and/or hairy men, think fat girls are super cute and am generally pleased by most faces and forms.*****

**PSYCHE!

***this is very dangerous btw- that shit raises your blood pressue if you use too much. my tits looked like they were 16 again though!

****everybody does that and if they dont then they probably dont have an awesomely STRONG VEEJAY for good grunt grunt.

*****the only reason i know this is odd is because other people have told me that some of the men i date are fat and furry or that the girl i think is adorable really isn't or that i am compeltely insane regarding all things esthetic. ******

******on second thought, perhaps i am right and everyone else is just super critical. isn't there something beautiful about everyone? plus, i am not actually that vain i am simply very creative when it comes to putting weird shit on my face. correct.