cruisin down el camino

cars r the prevalent mode of transportation in most of america. my limited experiences as a driver and passenger have taught me this:

1. waiting for the light to change is the wrong time to ask someone if they are gay*
2. family + car + 2 hours = 5 years of therapy (needed and acrued)
3. the best place to hide something (like, weed) is under the scrim between windshield and front side door
4. my mom really hates it when i back seat drive
5. my mom really needs a "wing man" so she doesn't miss our turn for the 8th time
6. cars smell
7. people smell
8. cars are a ineffective place to sulk

number 8 is really the most relevant since i count sulking as one of my most important life skills. it's hard to do in a car.

other bad places to sulk:

1. movie theater
2. concert
3. award ceremony
4. the prom
5. roller coaster

the one exception is that you can sulk at the prom if you are:

1. telekenetic
2. prom queen
3. sissy spaseck
4. preggers

*for some reason i don't have any gay family members. i have tried to make them gay. and asked most of them if they ever "experiemented". out of all my family members the following responded with the most maturity and poise:

1. auntie M = not gay
2. M.O.M. = not gay
3. daddy = not gay

**i really find it impossible not to ask family members about their sexuality on fair to middlin road trips. so far no one has tried to push me out of the car.