life changing decisions

hello.

i have made some life changing decisions you may want to know about. perhaps they can help you in the future. perhaps they can help you NOW.

obviously, one has to be slightly less than satisfied with ones life to embark on this hare brained "new life" scheme.

disatisfied with life - check

hare brained- check

ok, let's move on. after realizing that my salad days were behind me and it was time to pay the piper (i.e. enormous health costs due to lack of insurance due to lack of employment due to overwhelming laziness) i have made some (hopefully) life altering decisions.

first make a list of what is wrong with you. here is mine:

overly sensitive
self indulgent
lazy (again, this seems to be part of my makeup- not something i am doing on purpose to seem "youngish" or "devil may care")
vain
hot

despite what u may think, being hot is a problem. it draws attention to your other flaws and people always want to fuck you. it's tiresome.

so i have made a list of "mid march resolutions". despite numerous entreaties by my friends and families- using capital letters in the appropriate places is NOT one of my resolutions.

ok, enough dilly dallying (i forgot to add proscrastinator to the list- think of it as an addendum).

i resolve to:

1. complain less about the little things and MUCH MORE about the big things. this means my boyfriend will shortly be getting the whole "get off your ass and impregnate me" speech in the near future.

2. talk less. this one is probably not going to stick.

3. be extra hot. despite what i said earlier, being extra hot would be nice. especially when i bump into girls from high school who tanned too much and have five kids already. this is particularly important since i have a MASSIVE inferiority complex and nearly all my classmates are:

1. married

2. have babies (me want BABY)

3. invested in a 401 K plan (add to list of goals: get 401K, or at least find out what one is)

4. polite

now i can be fucking polite when i want to but sometimes i curse more than tawny kitaen in "witchboard". i have also been known to hump mercedes but thats where the similarities end.

p.s. the only bad actress from the 80's i love almost as much as tanya roberts is tawny kitaen. almost as hot.

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