open letter to human resources

dear suzie, linda and joanne,

1. please relax.

2. please refrain from asking the "magic wand" question. as in, "if you had a magic wand and could create the perfect job, what would it be and why?" i'm not sure exactly how to answer that but it absoltuely involves shoving said magic wand up your ass.

3. do not ask me to tell you that being an administrative assistant (even if it's to some uber precious executive/head of the company/ all around nice guy) is my penultimate dream job. i do have a soul and prefer not to lie. retard.

4. when you say that my potential boss is "intense" i know i am in for a world of pain. do not insult my intellegence, even though i am stupid enough to want to work for your company. use plain speaking such as "your potential boss is a hard osed bitch/bastard who will make you work late and humiliate you as much as possible. on the upside we have great dental coverage!"

5. yes i kick ass on excel, power point and quark. whatever else you throw at me will take two seconds to learn. unless its spanish. no ablo espanole.